miércoles, 31 de enero de 2007

El fin sucio de San Jose

So I passed a fine couple of days in Monteverde but on the first night when I was trying to be sociable no-one wanted to talk to me apart from a couple of Germans. The next day I walked around all day in the park and was pretty exhausted when I returned to the hostel in Santa Elena, so I didn't really feel like socialising and retired early to my room with a kick-ass book called Bangkok 8.

The next day people were queing up to chat and be friendly but sadly by that time I had drifted into a melancholy mood and grumpily distanced myself from everybody around before waiting for the midday bus back to San Jose. What a sour puss.

Well back in San Jose I continued with some marking, went to the gym, played football (we battled through a hard fought draw with the Ticos thanks to a dogged performance from our new Spanish Puyol, Antonio) and generally hung out with Toby and Eric in Parque La Sabana.

That evening however I felt like going out and drinking away my cloudy emotional state with some cats in town, perhaps at Vertigo, but when I tried to call Dave, who had told me of some entertainment earlier in the day, I only got some angry Ticos, who clearly didn't like to be hassled by poorly spoken Spanish! Que strange.

Disappointed but not bowing to the pressures of a shrinking wallet I proceeded to Eric and Ben's pad with Toby in tow for some drinking and poker that somehow turned into a jaunt across town up to a small "night-club" in San Pedro. The entrance was 5g with a couple of free drinks and we got seats dead in front of the tiny stage but somehow all that naked flesh failed to turn me on and I was left cold by the experience, completely unlike my days in Jalapa when I'd so enjoyed what was a very strong (and more erotic) social experience. To be perfectly honest the strippers looked bored for the most part and although there were some amusing moments it wasn't long before the three of us had jumped in a cab speeding (crazy taxi drivers) towards Vertigo.

Toby couldn't contain his excitement at finally finding a place that played some quality electronica, bouncing around the inside of the taxi with a Cheshire cat smile stretched like a taught tarpaulin across his chiselled Germanic mug. I simply wanted to lose myself in the music for the remainder of the evening and managed to do so for a good 4 or 5 hours of non-stop dancing, dancing, dancing.

I have no doubt that I looked like an absolute muppet to all and sundry, those upmarket Ticos who stand arrogantly looking down their noses at the manic freaks sweating away under the dim lighting and the smug presence of the DJ.

A mixed evening to be sure.

Next I'll tell you about a lady who sees Daemons!

"A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain.

miércoles, 24 de enero de 2007

Monteverde - waking life

I was planning on writing about my interesting bus journey but that was before I had a fried egg and cheese sandwich and attempted to get some much needed rest in the dormroom, which was empty at the time.

I lounged in my vest and pants on the bed thinking about not one thing in particular when the walls fell away from my peripheral vision and I was being lifted out of my bed by a helicopter sound and unceremoniously dumped down in the street. I felt woozy and restless but i couldn't open my eyes even for a minute. I turn over in the dust and push myself to my knees. My hand feels for a strange sensation emanating from my belly and glancing at my upturned palm I see that I've been shot.

There's no chance of controlling the sensations but I need to survive for something, there must be someone around who knows whats happened. Focus! There! In the corner of the square, running in slow motion I spy a street rat. Concentrate Jon, concentrate. I reach down to where my revolver sits by my right butt cheek and draw it out to head height, trying to control my shakes.

Slug, slug. The shots hit the boy in the shoulder and I see him topple head first into a newstand in front of a cafe sending Bradd Pitt streamnig helplessly across the street. I myself fall into the wall next to my left shoulder and my vision starts to swirl uncontrolably. I sink down from a standing position to a half crouch, hands clasped across my reddening belly. Apply pressure. Wait it out, stay conscious....

All blacks out finally and I can hear the hum f the helicopter once again overhead.

Whum whum whum whum whum whum.

"You gave up on life didn't you, you fucking bum!"

martes, 23 de enero de 2007

Festival fun (or how to equalise blood alcohol levels)

So Sally breezed through town last week, gracing us with her presence for three days before flying out to ecuador to continue adventuring around the World - "Only four more months of travelling left!" She moaned. Bah humbug.

We drank, watched films and drank some more in between my classes. On saturday she and Toby came to footy and provided some refreshing chants of "Toon, Toon, Black an White army!" along with other unintelligible rubbish..

"Children of men" was a good film but I was annoyed by the appearance of a large boat at the end.

We trekked off to Palmares on Sunday, me dragging Toby sleepily from the couch as we ran down the street pulling on our socks and shoes and leaping into the awaiting minibus. The festival was great fun and the bands were not reggaeton!!!!!!!! Awesome. We all got very drunk and I'm still feeling muy delicado en mi estomago.

Teaching has gone v.well this week. Lots of classes of students talking like howler monkees! Unable to shut them up I sip at my Hi C and daydream of one day introducing conjugated adjectives into English...

"Thought is the sculptor who can create the person you want to be."

Toby's story

So Toby's story, as related by him to me in a bar one night last week -

Toby was travelling alone round the south of Costa Rica in one of the national parks and one night went out to a Mexican restaurant. There he noticed three young senoritas sitting at a nearby table and duly asked them if he could join them to which they agreed. They were joined by some gringo hangers on and all departed shortly for a club with Toby having taken a fancy to one of the girls, who was the older sister of another. When they reached the disco however Toby's lady friend abandoned him on the dancefloor for one of the gringos because Toby's foot was in a poor state of health at the time and restricted his dancing.

Slighted by the abandonment Toby decides to dance instead with the younger sibling thereby making the older sister jealous. Upon leaving the bar, each girl partnered with a guy, they proceeded drunkenly to the beach before the gringos left for their hotel, leaving Toby and the three girls standing outside of the restaurant where they also lived.

Toby heard them talking about whether or not to have a threesome with him and believing it to be a test he said "no no, I only want the one of you. I'm not that kind of guy!" To which they replied, in the finest Mighty Boosh accent - "You have passed the test." and they all entered the residence, proceeding to the back room.

Therein the girls began to undress and shower in front of Toby. They then asked him to take a shower in full view of them and were about to commence the deed when the younger sister cried out "No! I want him for myself!"...

The rest is easy to imagine but safe to say Toby was very eager to share said story and I feel it my duty to alleviate his current run of bad Karma by sharing it with the world in a most bastardised fashion. Voila.

" What would you have me do? Give out? Give up? Give in? "

viernes, 19 de enero de 2007

Dildo cafeteria

Sitting in the cafeteria watching Mexican shows about the merits of various "jugetes sexuales" I wondered what kind of daydream I am currently living through.. The staff and students didn't seem in the least bit interested but that only led me to believe that they secretly were noting down the number for discreetly packaged mail orders - never forget that it's almost always the quiet ones.

I've been hauled round various bars recently with everyone that knows me trying to get me a new girlfriend and very drunk in the process. I don't like it. I've never been the kind of person to enjoy the mating rituals of the young and virile and least of all when I'm feeling melancholy and not enjoying the music. Whatever. On the walk home last night I decided I was the biggest social loser on the planet and that I'd be better off living in a box somewhere on a street corner - an apparently acceptable lifestyle choice here in San Jose, but where to get my cheap crack? - or alternatively just sitting in my room all day reading to myself.

Things could be worse. I could be Tobias Keefer. My erstwhile German travelling acquaintance turned up recently expecting a few heady days of partying here in San Jose while awaiting his saturday flight home. Unfortunately on the second day of being here he received word from his parents that his flight had mysteriously been cancelled due to a lack of funds on his credit card. A madcap dash around the airport district only served to tire and infuriate said German with the news that his flight was cancelled and the next available vuelo is february 7th... Fuck. Poor Toby is now sitting around the house all day waiting to check his e-mails for a cancellation or availability and generally not doing much in particular.

So last night I took him out after work to get us both drunk and we ended up in the dreaded Calle Amargura. "Sigh". Toby's penis began to itch and, alcohol fuelled, he missioned it around the bar looking for crumpet with which to share good old fashioned viscreal experiences. Having found two likely chicas we danced and sat at a table with a bottle of rum. Sadly my tolerance of the bar and the girls evaporated quickly and I decided to leave and beat myself up on the way home to precious sleep. Toby wanted to stick around but now wishes he hadn't because on the way home, on the main avenue, with plenty of traffic around, he was robbed at gunpoint while I slumbered noisily in my bed. Poor fella ay?

Oh, he did tell me a funny story though and I'll include that more positive note in my next post.

Movie of the post is "Little Miss Sunshine" a happy dysfunctional America satire of living to be a winner. I enjoyed it and now I carry a porn mag everywhere with which to bribe traffic cops to prevent them finding dead bodies about my person - genius.

He who binds to himself a joy, does the winged life destroy: But he who kisses the joy as it flies, lives in eternity's sun rise.

miércoles, 17 de enero de 2007

“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”

I'm reading James Joyce's fearful depictions of biblical school meditations on the fiery pits of Hell and the intensity of our souls suffering therein. It's a riveting depiction of our final punishment but ultimately one that Joyce came to reject as fanciful and merciless of our Lord.

Knowledge is power but making teenagers run around in a circle like headless chickens can give one a sense of omnipotence that is unrivalled in the teaching profession. Screw the test scores, I only ask that my students leave the room with a smile on their faces and a few bruises to boot. One kid actually stood gleefully punching another in triumph when he managed to leave the cursed seat of doom! I had to restrain him with imploring sarcasm - "Big and clever Marco, big and clever."

I won a pound at poker last night but I was happy not to have left penniless for a change. The game dragged on into the madrugada but eventually we all agreed to cash up and exit into the mild morning air for our respective abodes.

Everyone who reads this should pay attention for my next post where I shall entreat to you all the gems of the silver screen that I have discovered - with a little help! - whilst residing in Costa Rica. Some genuine treats!


"You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair."

lunes, 15 de enero de 2007

Surrounded by darkness

The lights dim in the computer suite yet it halts not my tap tapping fingers on the rickety centro keys. I'm deep in the midst of a failing presentation to 5 generations of Ticos, presumably students, all thinking of enrolling their rugrats in the English for sprogs program.

It provides a surreal point in which to type this blog entry at least.. "Find the 5... FANTASTIC!"

Today I was lazy and despondent, laying around the house doing little and thinking little. I haven't managed to muster any enthusiasm for anything much this year but I did go for a spluttering run today around the neighbourhood and I am looking into going to some kind of martial arts academy and maybe the gym when I feel more positive.

I went out to the Calle Amargura on saturday night with Kevin, Roberto and some other folk but I was looking dishevelled and unshaven and I really hate fucking reggaeton which led to a dull, uneventful night. I'll find some other routes out into San Jose soon but for the meantime my social calendar remains tuesday poker, thursday pool and saturday football. Thrilling stuff I'm sure you'll agree. Give me a week or so and I'll snap out of this foolish melancholy...

sábado, 13 de enero de 2007

A new day dawns

I woke up at 4:51 this morning and my thoughts wandered around for 10 minutes while I waited in bed to return to sleep. Yesterday we crushed the Germans underfoot in the blistering Costa Rican heat thanks to a far superior level of organisation and skill. Oo-rah!

I've decided to take those extra hours I talked about to boost my economic situation to sustainable levels. I know it's going to be a real headache evaluating nearly 60 students but the experience should see me in good stead for future employment and it will give me a lot more teaching practice.
Otherwise I'm bored most of the time but trying to be more sociable than I was previously. Tonight I'm dreading the thought that I might actually attend Palmares the big annual festival here in CR. F%$& Reggaeton music square in the rectum but I can't resist a drunken daytrip in the sunchine! I am weak...

viernes, 12 de enero de 2007

Should I shouldn't I?

I'm sitting at a computer terminal on the fourth floor of the Centro Cultural pondering A- why did I even think of climbing so many stairs so soon after eating? and B- should I accept an offer of three more evenings a week teaching a Speak class for an extra 100,000 colones a month?

I have said to everyone that I want more money and some more hours but this would seriously fill up my timetable and have me working splits four days a week so I'm wary of burning myself out teaching... Decisions don't come easy. I think I'll take it, after all I don't have much of a social life here just yet and I came to teach so teach I bloody well should!

I'm off to beat some Germans at football now. Oo-rah.